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Rain (always falling somewhere)

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everybody knows what's best for you [24 May 2012|06:30pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

Been texting all day with a very old friend, Jeffrey. I've known him even longer than I've known skepticle. He introduced us, way back in the arse end of the 80s. That set off a chain of events which changed a lot of lives.

Life is cool like that.

2 shards of glass | break the mirror

Carolyn's Fingers [24 May 2012|04:03pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

I have 72 solid hours of Cocteau Twins on my playlist. This makes me very happy.

break the mirror

stop staring at the ground [24 May 2012|05:21am]
[ mood | energetic ]

Also, Swamp Thing is still the Best. Dance. Song. Ever.

Followed closely by Tin Omen.

Fear my boots, they have no conscience when dancing is involved.

break the mirror

100 miles [24 May 2012|04:51am]
[ mood | determined ]

One hundred miles, door-to-door, one-way. That was Tuesday and me.

I met her at Stigmata, way back in the day. She put her toes up on my steelcaps and said, "If we're going to keep banging into each other here, we should probably exchange names. I'm Tuesday."

We had been banging into each other all night on the dance floor. I was accustomed to having a clear path; people knew to stay clear. It was her first night at an LA goth club. It was my first night out after Brigette and I broke up, and I wasn't there looking for touch - I had been dragged out by friends who were concerned for my questionable sanity (side note... sometimes your friends do actually know what's best for you).

Fast-forward to closing time. I go back to the dark corner where I had stashed my stuff, and it had been stolen. She sees my distress as she is about to exit, and comes back in. We search the place to no avail, and then she says, "So, you're getting my phone number. We have things to talk about."

People didn't have cell phones back then. The number was the pay phone at her dorm. The next day, we tied up that line for 6 hours.

I didn't have a working vehicle at the time. She said, "You're taking me on a date, right?"

I said yes.

Then I went to my evil twin - who is me just in a hot lesbian body - and asked if I could borrow the Peugeot for a date. She says no. "No, you can't take the Peugeot. You're taking the Benz. You want to impress, right?". Evil twins are good things to have.

So I drove one hundred miles from Ventura to Long Beach to pick her up. Didn't take her out drinking or dining or dancing. Took her to Griffith Park Observatory. Showed her the big city from a different angle. Kissed her once before we got back in the car. Drove back to Long Beach.

"I don't have school tomorrow. Take me home with you." (This was a Thursday night)

One hundred miles I drove, again.

We walked the Promenade when we got to VTA, talking, holding hands, getting comfortable. Then back to my place, where we made out 'til we passed out.

"Why didn't you fuck me last night?"

"There's plenty of time for that, dearheart."

"That just makes me want you even more."

And we fell. Yea, I always say that love is not a pit that you fall into, it's a choice... but I fucking fell into that one. After she'd met my housemates, and then my evil twin, she said, "You surround yourself with good people." Best compliment I have ever had.

I miss her.

1 shard of glass | break the mirror

fortune is your life's love [24 May 2012|02:58am]
[ mood | awake ]

Despite everything, I actually do not want a do-over. Some of that shit, I really nailed, and I don't know if I could do it again.

But sometimes, yea, I do wonder...

break the mirror

I have always been a storm [24 May 2012|02:31am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Got home today from house/catsitting at The Awesome House™. The garden alone is larger than the entire property here. I always hate having to leave there.

Avril Lavigne is on my playlist, and I am unashamed.

Been having crazy dreams lately. Some involved thatbaldgirl. Some involved my long-dead lover. Some involved another lj person, who shall remain unnamed, but she probably knows who she is.

Tomorrow always comes a day too soon. Yesterday was tomorrow, once upon a time. Now is the only thing that's real.

3 shards of glass | break the mirror

the heartbreak of the moment is not endless [27 Apr 2012|09:30am]
[ mood | awake ]

Apparently, I am still alive.

Apparently, LJ is still here too.

Who knew?

8 shards of glass | break the mirror

and the light pours out of me [17 Jul 2011|05:16pm]
[ mood | blank ]

What happens to you is not "life".

What you make happen... that is life.

break the mirror

Don't Panic [25 May 2011|09:28am]
[ mood | busy ]

Must remember to pack a towel...

2 shards of glass | break the mirror

The Corporate Body, Disambiguated [19 May 2011|06:17pm]
[ mood | hot ]

Whenever someone brings up corporate personhood, someone else always shouts out, à la Charlton Heston: "Corporations are people!"

Let's cut the crap and get fucking real about the relationship between human beings and corporations, and stop this fucking bullshit conflation of immortal multinationals and mom-and-pop entrepeneurs. We're not talking about Mom and Pop here.

The word "corporate" comes from the Latin corporatus, "form into a body," from corpus, "body." To incorporate is to form a legally recognized non-human entity - formed from natural persons (aka humans) and capital - that is able to act in many ways like an actual person, such as entering into binding agreements and owning property.

Natural persons are the cells of this body. Just like the cells of your body, they are replaced when they die or otherwise lose their utility - generation after generation of them. The corpus itself remains: evolving and adapting as its environment changes, but always there. Sure, in any given generation some few of those natural persons reap great rewards during their brief tenure in this mortal coil - and they delude themselves into thinking that they are in fact masters of the body, but they are simply a means to an end. At best, they are drivers, but they are not the vehicle. The corpus outlives them all, and it has a purpose separate and distinct from the humans who both form it and leech from it.

Corporations exist to devour. That is their raison d'être.

The controllers of a corporation are required to act with the goal of maximising return, by any means necessary, and those means include a myriad of illegal and extralegal actions, and actions that are in direct conflict with the welfare of actual humans. When a corporation gets caught stealing and its hand is cut off, the hand grows back - unlike a person's hand - and tries again a different way. Corporations don't go to jail, and on those rare occasions when their human controllers are found guilty of transgressions, the corpus simply pays the fine and writes it off as the cost of doing business. If you were a thief who knew his hand would grow back if it were removed, how much would you try to steal?

The driving energy of the corporate body is not the human controllers at its helm; it is the almost unimaginable wealth and power that continues to accumulate across lifetimes and generations of actual people.

As long as we allow corporate influence to drive the ideological debates we petty mortal humans have, we will remain locked in a battle that does nothing but increase the power and wealth that is concentrated in these immortal and amoral entities, but the drivers of these creatures want us to buy in to the conceit that corporations deserve a place at the table, because there are humans in the driver's seat. They don't want us to focus on the vehicle. In fact, they want us to grant the vehicle full citizenship, whereinafter what is a creature of the state - based upon the laws of men - becomes itself a master of the state (as every citizen should be).

Democrat, Republican, independent, liberal, conservative, progressive, libertarian, religious authoritarian, secular humanist, whatever - none of that shit fucking matters to these abominations, for they have power and reach beyond any nation's, and they have no care for any particular -ism. As long as they can continue to devour the wealth and resources of we natural persons, they don't give a good goddamn who's in the White House or 10 Downing, who controls Congress or Parliament, who lives or dies in the dust of faraway promised lands. None of that shit matters; they outlast dynasties like your body passes a good meal, having gotten what it needs and then discarding the rest in a steaming pile.

But we self-centered egotistical humans, we need villains and heroes, so we engage each other in Us versus Them contests for what we think is control. And if ever people try to point out "the man behind the curtain," they are labelled as fringe-dwelling conspiracy theorists. We can't envision something that's not actually human, devoid of emotion and passion and morality, which exists only to devour us lifetime after lifetime, with our complicity, direct and indirect, willing and not. We need someone twirling his moustache and laughing diabolically while our hero tries to save the day, and we need to believe that we are the ones in control, that it's just a matter of which group of humans has the will or the heart or the guns or the right god.

Talk about gaming the system.

The United States of America actually rebelled against the fucking British East India Company. It just so happened that King George was on the throne at the time.

And hey, guess what? The trading company is still here 200 some-odd years later. That's at least eight generations, and guess who's still calling the shots?

break the mirror

I'm in love with an American girl [19 May 2011|03:06pm]
[ mood | hot ]

The American Myth is that everyone has freedom of speech, but money is speech; the corporations have all the money, so just shut the fuck up and your betters will tell you what you need to know, and you'd better listen.

The American Myth is that anyone can pull himself up by his bootstraps, as long as he can afford the boots; boots were outsourced to China years ago for maximum shareholder value, and that's what's best for you. Sit down.

The American Myth is that you have a chance to move up in the world, to be one of the bigwigs - if only you give your vote away for them now, because it's really a vote for future successful you, right? Vote for billionaires to have an even better day.

The American Myth is that you too can live the high life, just borrow and spend while railing against the government for doing the same; but don't even think about asking for help when you go belly up, that's reserved for banks too big to fail. You're too small to even be on the radar (which was made by child labor in a third world country on your first world dime, then sold right back to you for more dollars than you could ever hope to count). Just, cry. Nothing else you can do really.

The American Myth is that this is "a government of laws, and not of men"; the legal fictions that are corporations have all the privileges of personhood with none of the responsibilities. And your children and your children's children will be in thrall to them just as you are now.

The American Dream is a nightmare. Wake up.

break the mirror

Human Cattle [19 May 2011|01:28pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

What are the things any human needs to thrive? Food, water, shelter, sanitation, medicine, education, and security are the bare minimum. Most of what we do in our lives revolves aroung getting these things. We measure our own success and others' by the quality and abundance of these things that are accessible or accumulated.

A great deal of the world lives in conditions where access to these things is severely curtailed, sometimes by physical violence, but far more often by socioeconomic violence.

The United States of America is one of those places where access is curtailed to a great portion of its population. Nearly everything is owned by a very few. The option to live off the land is not available to those who do not own; there are precious few commons. You can't just go out in the woods and set a trap, or drop a line in a lake to get fed; the game is all gone and the water's been poisoned - and you'd be trespassing anyway. You can't just harvest lumber and build your own shelter somewhere; the land and the trees are all owned by someone who's not you. If you want to access even the most basic bare minimums needed to survive, much less thrive, you're expected to participate in this system they call capitalism - though the reality is that we've regressed to a mutant form of feudalism.

And hey, guess what your part is in this system? You're human capital, which in certain regional dialects sounds an awful lot like human cattle - and that is pretty much the reality no matter how it's pronounced.

But here's the tricky loop that capital doesn't want anyone to talk about: human capital only has market value when it has coin, so it can consume the resources that are controlled by capital - otherwise, from capital's viewpoint, it's just another waste product, a drain on the valuable and viable parts of the system. The core impetus of capital is to minimize the coin it gives out and maximize the coin it takes in. Meanwhile there are more and more people with less and less access to the resources they need to survive and to thrive, and the only way they can get the coin they need to purchase these resources is from those whose existence depends upon giving them that coin only to the minimum possible extent while utilizing their lives to the maximum possible extent. At the same time, capitalists blame the excess cattle for not being able to get what they need on their own, or for mismanaging the coin that they do not have.

Surplus human capital deteriorates when not plugged in as cogs and therefore unable to access coin and become valued consumers - but when all the slots are filled, and since capital controls the debate, when the excess human cattle say "hey, we kinda need that stuff too", the controllers of everything cry that they can't afford it, and if you can't pay, why should you be allowed to play? Because, you see, it's all just a game for them. Human capital is just another commodity, and excess inventory has no market value, so it's just better business to write it off than to maintain it

They claim that if you can't afford to pay, then you're just in the way, and it's your own damn fault that you can't pull yourself up by your own bootstraps (glossing over the fact that they control access to the boots). The debate has successfully been framed so that the primary factor is not that every single human being has basic needs.

They've framed it so that there is this segment of society that is "responsible" because it plays by the rules; this segment consists of the human cattle who've secured a place in the machinery and the corporations that control all the resources (and make those rules). Then there is a segment that is comprised of irresponsible, lazy, good-for-nothing moochers (good-for-nothing because they have no market value); these people's needs are secondary to the needs of the "responsible" cattle. In fact, if these people's needs were to be met to the point where they could thrive, it would break the system, according to capital.

Of course, in framing the debate this way, they tacitly acknowledge that all actual human persons have basic needs which left unmet result in misery, suffering, and death. They just don't want that acknowledgement to be the start of the discussion. They start it at the needs of the corporate controllers of all the resources, and the needs of the human cattle who are playing by the rules. Surplus human cattle are unnecessary and irrelevant, and so are their needs.

As long as the debate starts at the needs of legal fictions that are in fact creatures of the State no matter how hard they try to become citizens (and therefore lawful masters of their actual lawful masters), rather than the needs of human beings, people will continue to suffer and die. The heart of the matter is that a very few control almost everything, and as long as that is the case, a great many will never have proper access to anything, and that has nothing to do with being responsible or hard-working or playing by the rules. The game is rigged, but the powers that be don't talk about that; they discuss the issues within the rules that were made by the controllers of everything we need to survive and to thrive.

Welcome to America.

1 shard of glass | break the mirror

Let me spell it out for you [27 Apr 2011|12:40pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

The real issue birthers have is that there's a Black man out there somewhere whom White cops don't have license to shoot on sight. They want him back in the ghetto where he belongs.

Now they've seen his Freedman papers, but that was never what it was about. It was about a fucking mixed-race man (that means NIGGER in birther-speak) succeeding so well that he attained what was always held out in the American Myth as the Ultimate Achievement - that "anyone could grow up to be President if he only worked hard enough" (but only if he were White... though they might let her have a go if she's White, better than the alternative).

The Ultimate Achievement was never intended for those people - even if they're houseboys and not those filthy field slaves - didn't you know that? 40 fucking percent of Republicans still insist that Obama is not Constitutionally eligible to be President; they disguise this blatant racism by saying - EVEN IN THE FACE OF THE LEGAL PROOF THEY GOT FUCKING YEARS AGO, but it still wasn't enough - that even though they've gotten exactly what they asked for, IT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH.

Nothing will ever be enough, because no document will ever make him not be Black.

2 shards of glass | break the mirror

add it up [21 Apr 2011|01:24am]
1+1x1+1x1+1 is always a multiple of 1. The infinite is one.
break the mirror

and tomorrow, I will borrow... another moment of joy and sorrow [19 Mar 2011|03:31am]
[ mood | awake ]

Just came back down off the roof.

Standing in a bitter wind under an endless sky, a tiny spark between my fingertips, beneath a haloed moon, sweet smoke and soft rain swirling all around me, halfway between midnight and another day.

I could never ever hope to count how many times I've been there; long before my sweet sixteen I stood out there, under that same big sky, that same fair moon.

Sleep has never been my thing, so I've made do with waking dreams.

Still not king.

break the mirror

filed under "but, but, but this is different than all that other stuff we say" [16 Mar 2011|10:49pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

So, we all know you can't send in an itemized list with your tax return saying on what the government can and can't spend your tax money, right? Right?

The Republican platform has this to say:

Today's Democratic Party views the tax code as a tool for social engineering. They use it to control our behavior, steer our choices, and change the way we live our lives.

And yet the Republican-controlled House is now holding hearings on two bills that would outlaw the use of federal money for abortions - and would additionally designate tax credits as federal money.

These are the same guys who say (despite the fact that fucking economics as a science says otherwise) that tax breaks aren't expenditures... but they want their own definition to be different and actually in line with reality just for abortion funding. Tax breaks for the ultra-rich would still not be expenditures in their book.

So they want to insert on everyone's tax bill a special line item - that's always checked DO NOT SPEND ON THIS - which favors anti-abortionists, so that behaviors can be controlled, choices steered removed, and lives changed destroyed.

You try telling them to stop spending your money on killing people in other countries. See how far that gets you.

The Abortion Tax
The Republican plan to prevent your abortion by holding your tax money hostage.
break the mirror

it's only funny cuz it's true [15 Mar 2011|01:45pm]
[ mood | cold ]

A CEO, a union rep, and a Tea Partier sit down at a table with a platter of 12 cookies.

The CEO takes 11 cookies and says to the Tea Partier, "Watch out! That union rep wants some of your cookie!"


(And I hope that you are smart enough that I don't have to peel back all the many layers in those two simple lines for you)

2 shards of glass | break the mirror

You want fries with that? [13 Mar 2011|01:49pm]
[ mood | calm ]

This is what breakfast looks like when you wake up next to me...
YummiesCollapse )

2 shards of glass | break the mirror

thanks for nothing!! [13 Mar 2011|11:20am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

And furthermore, I have conquered the world and you are all now my faithful subjects.

OK, that hasn't happened yet, but Hope springs eternal, right?

But seriously... death panels? Are we still on that red herring?

Rationed health care? Seriously? What the fuck do you think actuarial science is all about? Did you know there even was such a thing as the present value of a future sum?

Look, this is how it's always been. Insurers take your money and they gamble that they won't have to make good on the services that you pay them to provide. But make no mistake about it, they hedge their bets. From the moment you give them your first dime, they have already fixed it so that they'll likely never have to pay out as much as you give them.

Rationed health care? Death panels? Seriously guys, a little objective honesty can go a long way... that's always been the case. It's just that it's finally been acknowledged by enough people that unregulated markets do not fix themselves except in favour of those who need help the least yet have pretty much everything.

Meanwhile, RWNJs* do what they do best, and reframe the debate like laying down flypaper, and then well-meaning progressives and liberals engage them on terms and about issues that were invented in the first place - and they don't even see what just happened until they're mired in a debate from which they can't extract themselves.

C'mon guys, straw men do not need your help. Stop defending them. Real people are dying real deaths every day because death panels and rationed health care have always been the status quo.

*RWNJ: Right Wing Nut Job, sometimes referred to as the Rabid Right

And just to vent a little (because I never do that)... thank you VA for the red tape and sheer bullshit that makes it almost a certainty that even though I fucking did my duty and put my fucking life on the line I will not be able to get the medical attention I need from you.

break the mirror

this is your life too [12 Mar 2011|11:42pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

Been a while since I've posted here...

Tax breaks are expenditures. The fact that the debate has been successfully framed so that nobody but economists acknowledge this fact does not actually change it. Every tax break and every loophole is money spent by the government... on things that are most definitely not in your best interest as a living breathing bleeding and eventually dying natural person.

The debate is really about *who* should benefit from government largesse: the very rich or the rest of us? There is no question that those of us who actually pay taxes (hint: the richer you are, the less you pay) are paying for others... the only question is whether it's immortal and amoral corporations or actual people who need a bit of help. The government's (and therefore the people's) largesse will be handed out somehow - the question is just... how? And how justly?

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist. Nothing will be solved, nor can it be, as long as you lot are arguing about only one side of the issue, which has been framed as "those freeloaders deserve nothing and keep your hands off my money!!!!!!!!", while your government is handing out the money those of us too poor to be able to avoid paying taxes have been contributing to corporate welfare without a second thought.

Resist, reform, revolt. There is no easy road... as many will die for lack of justice as will die in fighting for it. Do nothing, and people die. Do something, and you might, but goddammit at least you tried. In your last moment, what do you want to be thinking?

1: I could have done more, but it's too late now...
2: I did what I could, and that was the best measure of myself, no matter how history remembers me

I would willingly die for my convictions, but you can be damn sure I will take out as many asshats as I can in the doing and the dying. How about you?

(I am not inciting revolution here, just pointing out that the debate has been and is still controlled by those who would gladly see you suffer and die for their bottom line. In their world, immortal corporation's margin > puny mortal humans. We all die, it's just a matter of when. Quality of life > quantity of money in my book.)

break the mirror

Letter to a whiny young Democrat [04 Nov 2010|12:22pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2010/11/03/notes110310.DTL - Mark Morford, 03 Nov, 2010

See? You see what happens when you young liberal voters get so disgruntled and disillusioned that you drop all your party's newborn, hard-won ideas about Hope™ and Change™, without any patience, without really giving them sufficient time to mature, without understanding that hugely foreign, anti-American concept known as "the long view"?

See what happens when you wallow in hollow disappointment, trudging all over your liberal arts campus and refusing to vote in a rather important mid-term election, all because your pet issues and nubile ego weren't immediately serviced by a mesmerizing guy named Barack Obama just after he sucked you into his web of fuzzyhappy promises a mere two years ago, back when you were knee-high to a shiny liberal ideology?

Well, now you know. This is what happens: The U.S. House of Representatives, the most insufferable gaggle of political mongrels this side of, well, the rest of Congress, reverts to GOP control like a brain tumor reverts to a more aggressive form of cancer, and everything gets bleaker and sadder and, frankly, a whole lot nastier.

break the mirror

Sunday somethings [17 Oct 2010|11:44am]
[ mood | awake ]

Reagan insider: 'GOP destroyed U.S. economy'

Commentary on this NYT op-ed - Four Deformations of the Apocalypse by one of the architects of Reaganomics.

And speaking of money and politics: Return of the Secret Donors looks at how very far we have NOT come since the Watergate era.

break the mirror

and, some social justice for ya [12 Oct 2010|02:09pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

US ban on openly gay military personnel suspended

Most interesting part to me was:

"The lawsuit was brought by the Log Cabin Republicans, a pro-gay Republican group, on behalf of openly gay military personnel who had been discharged under the policy."

break the mirror

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